Couldn't say Goodbye, Couldn't even say Good Night
by AlexaNova
Summary: "Have you ever felt the feeling of falling, deep into a dark place where there seems to be no ending? You lose your sense of everything around you, so you just close your eyes and pray that one day you'll know when to open them again."- Quinn


A/N: One-shot. Unbeta'd. Sorry. I hope you enjoy.

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"_2 AM, where do I begin?  
Crying off my face again  
The silent sound of loneliness  
Wants to follow me to bed."_

**Quinn's POV:**

Have you ever felt the feeling of falling, deep into a dark place where there seems to be no ending? You lose your sense of everything around you, so you just close your eyes and pray that one day you'll know when to open them again. I'm enveloped by water, plunged into the deep. I feel like I'm floating into nowhere. I try to open my eyes but it seems that it doesn't want to cooperate. My brain keeps taking me back into those brown expressive eyes. I realize that I'm back in McKinley. My back is pressed up against the cold hard lockers. I clutch my books tightly around my arms as I see her coming in from the corner of the hallway. I stare at her. She stares back at me. I try to say hello but only a smile seems to form on my lips. She nods and smiles back, widely. Her eyes tell me that she was pleasantly surprised.

I start to cry. The tears I shed seem to mix with the water around me. I realize that it was just a memory. Again, I am plummeted back into McKinley. The only difference is, we're at senior prom. I'm in a wheelchair. I see her on the dance floor with Finn. She looks so happy. The sun looks dimmer if you put it beside her. She's radiating so much happiness that I can't help but feel as if I really did the right thing. I may never get the chance to let the world know that I've accomplished my high school dream because now I know that I don't really care. I just want to make her happy. I just want to see her smile like there's nothing wrong in the world.

Santana looks at me and I know what to do. I use the strength of my arm to lift me up. I wobble but thankfully, Santana is holding me. I see everyone looking at me but then my eyes lock in with hers and I just feel a deep sense of pride swell within my soul. I could see her smile and her eyes. She looks so proud of me and then something clicked inside me. The world suddenly stopped turning and I realized one thing. From this moment on, I could not live in a life where she does not exist. Simply put, I could not live without her. It does not matter if she's with Finn. The only thing that matters is knowing that she's out there, living, breathing, making things possible, and lulling the world into her own melody.

I open my eyes and then I see her. She's out there. She's above the water. I smile and cry at the same time because I could see her near me. So close. She's so close. I raise my left hand. I reach out to her but she seems to be getting farther and farther away from me and then I feel something. Something seems to pressing hard onto my chest. I can't breathe. It's getting harder and harder to see her. She's so blurry but I still try and reach her. If only I could. Maybe she would save me. She always did.

Darkness is taking me. Water seems to be filling my lungs because now I just feel so numb, but then as my eyes slowly close I see her hand reach out to me and pull me out of the water. I feel air coming back into my lungs. I feel my throat and my nose burning. Everything hurts. I clutch on to bulky arms clothed in a white shirt. I look at her face but all I see is Puck's distraught expression, his brow furrowed deeply and his eyes brimming with unshed tears. I hear a distant voice calling out to me. "Quinn. Quinn. Don't do that again. Please." I rest my head on his shoulders as I whisper her name. "You have to stop this. You have to move on. She's not here anymore. She won't come back. Please." I grip his arms until my fingers are digging deep into his skin. I cry for hours as he held me in our bathtub.

I wish that she was the one holding me. She could save me. She always did.

* * *

"_Dancing slowly in an empty room  
Can the lonely take the place of you?  
I sing myself a quiet lullaby  
Let you go and let the lonely in  
To take my heart again."_

**Puck's POV: (2 days after Rachel's Funeral)**

This sucks. I feel like a part of me has been lost forever. Rachel's always been my American Jewish Princess. She may be annoying back when we we're sophomores but she changed, especially in senior year. She became a better person. She's not annoying anymore. She was much more tolerable. After graduation, I even hugged her and thought that I don't want to let this girl go. She's one of those few people in your life that when you grow old, you'll still remember them. She's special. Ever since I met her, I already knew she was better than all of us at McKinley. I was right, you know. She went to NYADA and she told me in all our telephone conversations how amazed her professors are of her, how she has so many new friends that accepted her even before she introduced herself and how she found her new home in New York. I was so proud of her. She really got a good thing going on in her life.

She's not lucky.

She's blessed to have a life she enjoys and loves. But all of that came to a big dead end when her life ended a few days ago. We were all there at her funeral. Everyone looked so gloomy. Everyone cried. She was family to every single person in glee club. Even Santana said she wished she could take back everything she said in high school and made Rachel's life more beautiful if she knew the girl had only had a few years left to live.

My eyes scanned the crowd around her coffin and when it fell on Quinn, all I could say is that she looked the most devastated. Even more devastated than Rachel's parents. She hadn't said one word ever since she heard the news. Her eyes looked far away and empty. I told her mother that I'll be staying with Quinn for a while so I could take care of her. Her mom agreed and told me where she lived. I went with Quinn when everyone had to go home.

The night of Rachel's funeral, I couldn't sleep. I don't think anybody could. I opened the door of Quinn's guest room (where I'm staying) and slowly walked towards Quinn's room. I pressed my ears on the door but I couldn't hear anything. I realized it was slightly open so I took a peek inside and I can never forget what I saw.

It was raining outside of Quinn's window but she's there, sitting on the window sill. Her head is resting on the side of the window. I could see her reflection. There's some light entering the window that helped me see her face. She looked so wounded. Her eyes were like nothing I had ever seen. Her arms are wrapped around her knees and her pajamas are all crumpled up. She's not crying, though. She just looks so distant. I don't know why she's the most affected with what happened to Rachel. I don't think she would ever tell me. She still hides behind so many walls. She's not the same bitchy Quinn Fabray back in sophomore year but she still has all these walls that I can't seem to break. The only time I could see a crack in her walls is when Rachel talks to her.

Oh.

I slowly close her door and head back to my room. I stayed up all night thinking about Quinn and Rachel's interactions in High School. Maybe they were friends after all.

0-0-0

When I got up this morning and went downstairs to eat some breakfast, I found Quinn sitting at the couch, staring into empty air. I slowly approach her and then sat down beside her when she made no move to look at me. I looked at her. Her eyes are dark. She hadn't gotten any sleep last night.

"Are you hungry?"

She still won't look at me.

"I can make some pancakes or some waffles. Do you want some?"

She's not even moving and I got kind of nervous but then I see her still breathing and I just sigh and thank God that she didn't do anything stupid last night.

I reached out for her hand and when I touched it, it was cold and stiff. Before I can even say anything, she suddenly stood up and walked to the bathroom.

I got concerned when she didn't leave the bathroom even after I ate breakfast. That was 2 hours ago. I try to give her some space. Maybe she needs a little bit more time by herself. As I was about to sit down on the couch to watch some tv (something to distract myself), I heard a loud crash and Quinn screaming. I ran towards the bathroom and when I tried to open it, it was locked. I fisted my right hand and knocked loudly on the door.

"Quinn? Quinn! What's happening? Let me in!"

I could hear her crying. It was the first time I heard her cry ever since the funeral. I couldn't take it anymore so I stood a little farther from the door and kicked it in. It flew open.

The first thing I saw was the mirror, shattered into pieces and blood all over the sink. When I looked on the floor I saw her. Both of her hands are fisted and one of them is all bloody. She's leaning on the tiled wall and her face was the saddest thing I ever seen.

"Oh, shit."

Before I knew it, I was on her side, wrapping her hand with my t-shirt.

I whisper "Hey. What happened?" to her as I sit down beside her.

She can't stop crying. I look at her with every willpower that I have so that I won't cry with her.

"Talk to me, Quinn."

Even though her voice is all garbled and shaky, she looks at me with her empty eyes and says, "You're the prettiest girl I've ever met but you're a lot more than that."

As I moved to hug her, I looked at the mirror one more time and I just couldn't stop my tears anymore.

* * *

"_Broken pieces of  
A barely breathing story  
Where there once was love  
Now there's only me  
And the lonely."_

**Rachel's POV:**

"I've got to make it to the next bus or my plan is ruined." I say to myself as I turn on a corner of a street.

"Darn it. Where did Kurt say it was again?"

I open my bag and dig deep as I search for my phone. Can you believe it? I've been in New York for 6 months and I still don't know my way around this city.

I look up constantly while I searched my phone for the directions Kurt gave me last night. I hadn't realized that I'm in a dark alleyway until a shadow covered my view on my phone.

"Excuse me, would you please move away because I'm in such a hurry and—"

"This is a holdup!"

My eyes widen as I look up to see a man (who by the way, looks like a hobo) pointing a gun at me.

"Can't we just talk about this? I'll gladly help you in your financial problems if you could just give me your number because you see; I'm in a hurry to see a friend."

"Give me your bag, lady." I see him fidget and look behind him as if he was checking if we really are alone.

My heart's hammering in my chest as panic grew inside me. He has a gun for goodness' sake!

"I... can't."

I know he's growing impatient. He wants to finish this as quickly as possible.

"Give me your bag or else I'll shoot you!"

The only problem with our situation is that I can't give him my bag because what's inside is more valuable than my life.

"No!"

He lunges for my bag and I try to duck out of his reach but he managed to get a hold of my arm.

"That hurts!"

"Give me your bag!"

"I said no!"

We both struggled with each other. I try and pry his hands away from me and my bag but everything seemed blurry that I didn't even realize the sound of his gun firing.

"Oh fuck!"

I could feel my knees getting weak as I stumble backwards. I could see him running away from me as I my back finally hit the pavement. I look to my right and I saw some of the contents of my bag on the ground. I smile as I see the big white box (Why is there red on it? I don't remember spilling anything on it. I was so careful). I try to reach out to grasp it in my hands but I couldn't move. My body's not moving. Then a memory flashes right in front of my eyes.

He shot me.

He shot me and I couldn't feel anything. Is this what dying feels like? A tear slides down my cheeks as I realize that tomorrow will never come for me. I would never see my dads, my friends, NYADA, New York... and Quinn.

I'm so sorry Quinn. I wish I could've seen your face one last time. I wish I could've seen your reaction when I gave you my gift. I wish you knew that the big white box held inside it the crown I received when I won prom queen back in our senior year. You could've read the letter that came with it...

"Quinn." That was the last thing my lips could ever mutter as my vision slowly darkens.

* * *

Dear Quinn,

Hello! I hope you know that I've missed you so much. I was all giddy when I found out we will be having a skype chat on Saturday. That's two days from now! See how happy I am? Anyway, I've been keeping in touch with our fellow glee clubbers, Quinn. Though, Finn and I hadn't been talking ever since I left him a week after graduation. Kurt and I had been talking non-stop about our experiences back in high school. We got to the point where we talked about prom, senior prom to be exact. He told me about Blaine's hair and how awesome the dinosaur theme was but then he told me something that I still can't believe to this day. He told me that I never really won. You and Santana just rigged the ballots. What surprised me even more is that it was all your idea. Why did you do it, Quinn? I mean, I know we were friends back in senior year, but nobody, even Finn, had ever done anything like that for me. Wasn't that your dream? To be crowned prom queen? Kurt told me that you should've won. Why did you give me what you dreamed for so long to have?

After Kurt and I talked, I thought about everything that happened between us for days. Nobody cared enough about me to do such a wonderful thing. Why was it you, Quinn? It's kind of weird you know. I've been thinking about you a lot ever since the accident. Even though you told me I shouldn't blame myself, I still feel so guilty for what happened to you. It's like a permanent scar, Quinn.

But then yesterday, something happened. I was walking in a small park just outside the apartment where I live. I haven't been there before but that's where I magically ended up yesterday afternoon. I saw kids running around and some of them are on the swings, playing with each other. Then something caught my eyes. I walked towards the abandoned part of the park and even though trees around it are dead, there in the middle of it all was big bush of Gardenias and right then and there I realized how stupid I was. How could I have not seen it before? I was practically searching for you every single day. You were there when I needed you and I was there when you needed someone. I told Finn to give you Gardenias because I knew it would be the perfect corsage for you. I knew what matched your eyes. I knew how to break in on your walls. I knew you were better than you would ever realize. I knew you... and you knew me. You knew my dreams. You knew that I should push through with what I want. You knew that I could still have my dreams even when I thought I had no chance at all.

All this time Quinn, I love you. I have always loved you even when I thought you hated me. I loved you when I told Finn that Beth wasn't his baby. I loved you when you told me I don't belong in Lima. I loved you when I we both sang that song in Glee club. I loved you when I wrote the words to Get it Right. I loved you when I told you we needed you in Glee club. I loved you when I didn't start our wedding just because you weren't there. I loved you when I gave you those Gardenias. I loved you when I told you; you shouldn't tell Shelby about her and Puck. I loved you when you told me that I had to let go of Finn for my future. I loved you all the time you were in a wheelchair. I loved you when you hugged me for the last time in our graduation. I have always... always loved you. I was so blind but now I know what to do. I'll find you and when I see you again tomorrow, I'm going to give you this and _your_ crown because you deserve to know everything.

You saved me from living a life without you. You always did, Quinn.

Sincerely and forever _yours_,

**Rachel Barbra Berry.**

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Reviews are welcome. :)


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